I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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