But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I want to have your abortion
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
