remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
