guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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