No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
