Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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