nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
