Plan B is the new Plan A
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
