Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
