I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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