dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
