Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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