The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
