I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
