1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
