haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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