but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
