She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
