I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
