Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
