well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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