Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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