ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize