I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
