Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
