my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
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