Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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