The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
