somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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