I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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