my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
