I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
