so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
