She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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