Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
