I love black thongs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.