Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday