I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone needs a breathalizer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking