Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies