Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
