so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
