you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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