It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
