I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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