C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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