I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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