I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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