Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
