Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
