he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
