Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
