she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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