i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
