So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
