I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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