I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
