I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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