If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize