did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
