thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize