everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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