I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
