Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
