why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
