I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
