I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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