you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
