i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
