I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
