Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
