I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
