I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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